But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
