how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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