He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
