she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
