you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
