Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
