he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
