I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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