I am midnight drunk by noon
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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