we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
