He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
