i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
