Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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