I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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