Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Be still, my beating vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
