Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize