I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
