How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
