clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
