i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
