Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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