Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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