You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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