i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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