I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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