You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize