as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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