i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
