totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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