He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
