found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
