Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
