Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize