Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
