On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
