I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
