Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
