im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
