Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
