i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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