I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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