I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
