how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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