Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
