I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
