wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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