If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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