Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
