Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
