sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
