I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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