Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
