3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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