Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
