she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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