ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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