Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
