I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
