You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
