There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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