I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
