i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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