Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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