Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
