I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have post one night stand depression
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