You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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