I feel great
I just peed on a car
you would pick up someone in the library
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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