The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
