i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
