Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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