I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
