Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
