Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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