woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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