i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
