An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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