I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just gift wrapped bread.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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