biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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