cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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