Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
