Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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