Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
