Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
