Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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