just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
