were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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