Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
