I can text with my tongue
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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