She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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