Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
