I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
