maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
