Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
