He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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