and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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