omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
