Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
