guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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