Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
