i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
