I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
