Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
