Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
