Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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