Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
