So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
