it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
